Mental health is something I have struggled with for many years, in lots of different shapes and forms. I’m one of the lucky ones as I can pinpoint where my anxiety stems from.
My anxiety stems from emetophobia.
What is emetophobia? I hear you ask. To put it simply, emetophobia is a fear of vomiting. This is usually where some smarty pants pipes up with ‘well nobody likes being sick’. No Mr Smarty Pants, nobody does like it but most people don’t spend everyday of their lives in fear that they will be sick.
A month ago I was struck down by the dreaded norovirus. I originally thought I was just having a panic attack and because of that I was feeling ill – little did I know that the rest of my family were being hit one by one. They purposely kept the news from me to protect me. I can honestly say that it was the worst night of my life and I do not know what I would have done without my partner there to support me. Little did I know that particular night was the easiest part. As the days followed I noticed my anxiety begin to creep up on me to the point where last weekend I didn’t want to leave the house.
I’m currently self-employed and work from home so I have very little motivation to get out everyday and lack a supportive family to help me. My mum also suffers severely with emetophobia and because of this has put me in quarantine. I’ve found it extra difficult without having my mum there, especially as she truly understands how I feel.
I have been making an effort to get myself out of the house even if I only go for a walk during my lunch break. I am proud of how I am dealing with this considering the last time I was sick was when I was 11 years old. After this particular episode I became agoraphobic and was barely eating.
I hope that one day I can look back on this period of my life and see how it made me a stronger person. For now I know there is a long road ahead of me to build myself back up.
My confidence is shattered, my nerves all over the place and my motivation to help myself is almost non-existent. I know I must carry on though, the only way is to keep fighting back. At the moment it feels like one knock back after the other – I’m really trying to believe it’s all for a cause and one day I will understand.
So here’s to the day I finally understand why life made me such a strong person. Never worry about speaking out about your mental health. You can always pop a message below and I’ll happily have a chat 🙂