I know many of you will read the title of this post, roll your eyes and think what has she got to have a crisis over at 24? Well, hear me out before you cast an opinion.
At university I was a strong, confident and independent woman. I wanted an amazing career and I wanted to make a change in the world. I felt like this up until my Masters. Whilst completing my Masters I began to see the biggest change in myself. I began to crumble in front of my own eyes.
As my anxiety flared up my hopes and ambitious began to change. At the time I didn’t notice it happening, I was too focused on just making it through the year. Looking back now I understand how deeply upset and anxious I was.
I am no longer that career hungry, ambitious and independent woman. My dreams have changed, I no longer want a fast pace career but instead a quiet and idyllic life. To be my own boss and to explore a future in something that the ‘new me’ values. People want different things from life and that’s what makes us all unique. But how did my ambitions and my attitude towards life change so drastically in the space of two/three years?
I look back now and wonder whether I was actually having a bit of a breakdown – maybe not a fast pace chaotic one, more of a slow burner. I think perhaps that this yearning for a quieter, slow paced life is the ‘new me’ that has evolved from a breakdown.
At times though I do wonder whether it is just my anxiety controlling me and telling me that I cannot achieve the goals I had originally set myself.
I’m embarking on a search for myself, is the old me still me, is there a new me or am I just my anxiety?
And are you just as confused as I am after reading that? 😆
Let me know if you’ve had something similar happen to you and feel like due to an experience you’re a different person?