Weekend Update (A very honest chat about Anxiety and depression)

I almost decided not to do a weekend update this week. I’ve had a horrible week of feeling really depressed. From Sunday until Friday evening I didn’t leave the house. As each day passed I shrunk back into my shell even more. I was unsure how much to share with you all but I made a promise to myself when I started talking about my anxiety. I will always be open and honest so that anyone else going through it can relate.

I drafted the majority of this post on Sunday, however I knew come Monday when I was feeling a bit better I would want to edit it. I have tried to keep it much the same to ensure that it’s honest and a true reflection.

Please bear in mind that despite my rough weekend today’s post is late because I’ve been out for a lovely walk and had a really nice day. My life and my emotions are very up and down right now but I want to show that positives can follow, despite how I was feeling on Sunday.

Saturday – 

Saturday was a day of ups and downs – mostly downs. We set off to the shops to get my boyfriend a new pair of work trousers. I was quite anxious on the journey there. Usually we avoid the shops on a Saturday, however we didn’t think it through today and it was incredibly busy. Already in an anxious mindset the crowds didn’t help. I kept getting waves of panic crashing over me until we eventually had to go home.

Once home I felt really down. I know logically that I had done really well, I had made it there and tried my best, even if I did have to turn around and come home. I spent a while feeling sorry for myself until eventually my partner insisted we go for a walk. I knew that I would feel better for going out. I forced myself to go and we had a nice time.

I can be anxious about going too far from the car and so this walk was quite an achievement for me. We may have only been a mile from the car but it was still a success.

My partner then had to pop over to his mums to drop something off and so I was on my own for a couple of hours. I find being on my own difficult when I’m feeling like this as it means I have to confront my thoughts. I tackled them with a strong G&T and eventually my partner returned home.

Sunday – 

It took a lot but eventually on Sunday I made myself get ready. I put on my make-up and got dressed. I couldn’t face the idea of going out but I was going to make myself. Unfortunately my family are not very understanding of mental health problems. After a few comments as to how lazy I was I gave up trying to go out and went back to bed. Depression isn’t laziness. It had taken every inch of my being to get myself ready to go out and just like that I was knocked back to square one. I threw stuff and I cried. I’m sick of feeling like this everyday. Forcing myself to get through each and every bad day to be rewarded with one good one every few weeks. Sometimes, I question whether its worth it but despite everything I have people to live for and that’s what gets me through.

Eventually I cried myself dry and my boyfriend was there for me for when I was ready to talk.

Im sorry that this isn’t my usual positive outlook but I promised I would be open and honest. Anxiety and depression brings with it bad days, even worse days and good days. Today was a really bad day. Now that I’m over the worst of it I can see that there will be a good day again soon. I’m worried because my depression seems to be getting worse. I’ve always thought it was just a side affect of my anxiety but I am beginning to question this. Fingers crossed to a good week!

The above account of Sunday was written on Sunday afternoon when I was still feeling really down. Normally during a down day I push myself to make an effort and to still go out. However, some days I recognise that I can’t push myself. Despite having a horrible Sunday I’m grateful for it as it has made me appreciate Monday more. I’ve had a wonderful day today. My partner had a doctor’s appointment mid-morning and so he booked the day off of work. He was finished earlier than we anticipated and so we decided to pop out for a walk. It’s blue skies and warm sunshine here in Kent and so we had a lovely walk. I even felt like I could sit outside a little cafe and share some chips. Fate had other plans. The chips weren’t gluten free and so we stuck to just having a drink.

Look out for a post about our trip to Lullingstone next week!

 

How was your weekend?

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XOXO

 

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42 thoughts on “Weekend Update (A very honest chat about Anxiety and depression)

    1. Thank you! I definitely pile on the pressure, I need to step back and reflect on what I have achieved as opposed to what I haven’t achieved ☺️

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  1. It’s always hardest to share our darkest moments, and in sharing you are throwing yourself and others a lifeline and a way to climb back towards the light. Thank you for sharing 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Beware of the G and T . you can easily get used to a glass of emotional help. It takes years before you even realize. Keep on fighting your depression and anxiety. Family are not a lot of help if they don’t understand. Lol snap out of it. The famous advice of the clueless. You already know it comes in waves. It will pass. Take care kiddo. Hang on to that fella he seems switched on.

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    1. A G&T is a very rare treat for me ☺️ Thank you for your comment. I’ve definitely heard the ‘snap out of it’ comment once or twice! 🙄 Ahh, I don’t intend on letting him go anywhere ☺️ haha

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I am doing well. Thank you responding. I find that walking is a way to help clear my mind and relieve the anxiety. I need to be careful so I dont overdo as I did on Sunday. I spent most of the afternoon curled up in a ball with muscle spasms in my back and my spine burning from the inflammation yesterday. Stay Strong!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That sounds incredibly painful! Take care. I agree, walking is a fab form of clearing your mind and aiding anxiety. Break it up next time and treat yourself to a drink out ☺️

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Liz, I just wanted to let you know that I’m reading my little heart out catching up on all your posts and I love your writing…it’s honest and open and brave and I’m so thankful to have come across your blog in this crazy World Wide Web.
    I can relate to so much of what you write! Thank you for sharing. Nicole xx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thanks for sharing. This is interesting because last week was a struggle for me too and I was just about to sit down and start writing about it. I cancelled all plans I had made last week, gave flimsy excuses and hunkered down in the house. Then I got sick. argh. Glad that week is over! Keep your chin up pretty lady

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    1. Thank you! ☺️ I find a walk or some exercise can really help. Hope things are starting to warm up where you are! It’s gorgeous sunshine here, I’ll try and send some your way 🌞

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you – yes, tell it come fast! We’ve had beautiful blue skies but most days are still below average and freezing. I’m getting a wee bit house bound – I can’t wait to go for a long, long walk.

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  5. I am going through the same thing.. depression sucks and its something I have to come to terms with because I feel like I will always have this disease. Its about accepting it and really trying to reverse my negative thinking. I’m still on the journey of getting better as of right now I’m taking meds to help but its not ideal in the long run.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your comment, I know exactly how you feel! I’m trying to avoid medication as I feel this is something I’m going to have for the rest of my life so I want to learn to cope with it myself. Not that I’m against medication. I just think that when/if I came off of it I’d be back to square one 😔 Good luck on your journey! Always here if you want someone to chat to ❤️

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  6. It’s is very painful and nothing to do but ride it out. Having a drink sounds like a nice idea but I get nuts if I do ore than one. So, I try not to.I will take med’s when it get’s really bad like yesterday but they were just not enough.. I need to be careful with those as I could easily over do on them also. I just need to be smarter about how much walking I do at one time. 10 miles all at once was way more than I should have done but I was feeling very uncomfortable mentally and needed a long walk to help sort through it all. It did help. So I will accept the physical to relieve the mental any day!
    Have a great rest of your week!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You are way too hard on yourself , I amazed how you deal with this . As an adult I know I do not like anxiety myself and you handle better then anyone. I’m happy you able to get yourself back up again and go for a walk 🙂hugs

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  8. I hope this week is better for you. Six years ago this week, I could hardly do anything, and then I had a bad reaction to the anti-anxiety tablets I’d been prescribed and that made it worse, but I’m a lot better now – touch wood. It’s important to talk about the bad days as well as the good ones x.

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