Do you ever feel like everyone else is moving on with their lives whilst you just sit there watching everyone progress?
My anxiety prevents me from going out to work and so I try to do some freelance writing from home but unfortunately it’s a difficult market to crack. I often sit here thinking how little my life has changed since I was 16. I’ve lost some friends and gained a boyfriend but other than that it’s pretty much the same.
At 24 I imagined myself going off to work every morning and returning of an evening to my own place. Instead I still live with family and don’t even go out to work.
My anxiety makes it difficult for me to go out on my own at the moment. The last time I attempted a solo trip I decided to get a train up to London, walk around for an hour and then meet my boyfriend and travel home with him. This ended in a huge panic attack and we thought we would have to spend the night in London and hope I felt up to getting a train home the following morning.
Since then I haven’t attempted another solo trip. This means that my days are spent waiting until someone has some time to spare to go out with me. This rarely happens during the week and so I’m stuck indoors with my own thoughts, retreating deeper into the shadows of my anxiety.
Unless I fancy going for a walk there’s nothing near me to do and so I feel really trapped during the week. The weekends are fine as my boyfriend understands how I feel and he’s happy to support me and help me go out and tackle my anxiety. Unfortunately the progress I make during the weekend is then undone as I spend all week holed up inside hoping that someone might be able to spare a morning for me.
There’s not really a point to this post, I just feel a bit lonely. I’m wondering if there’s anyone else out there that feels the same way?