Saturday 6th April –
I ticked off one of my goals for April today (you can find my post here to read about my goals for April). It was pouring down with rain but I was not about to let that stop me from seeing some lambs – much to everyone’s annoyance. My partner and I met my mum and dad at the lambing venue. Although small, it was amazing to see. We saw a lamb about to be born and another take its very first steps. I very much wanted to bring this little guy home with me but nobody would let me.
We didn’t spend long at the lambing event as the weather was awful. We decided to go on to a local town and grab a coffee with my parents. I got my drink in a take-away cup but we sat in and chatted. My anxiety was making its presence known at the beginning but I managed to distract myself with the conversation and eventually it slowly ebbed away.
Once we had finished our coffees my parents headed home and my partner and I decided to have a walk round some shops. I considered getting some lunch out, however M&S’s cafe had next to no gluten free vegetarian options and so we opted to grab some food from the shop and sit in the car. We had a fun afternoon and I decided to continue ticking off my April goals and drove home.
I keep forgetting to get pictures of my outfit for this post – thankfully my mum was on hand. I wore my Barbour coat, black Topshop joni jeans and my blue Hunter wellies.
Sunday 7th April –
I forgot to take any pictures on Sunday. I was feeling quite anxious today, I usually do after having had a good day. We were meeting my partner’s mum at a shopping centre. I decided to drive there both to distract myself and to continue my goal of driving more this year.
The drive was fine but my anxiety hadn’t left me. By the time we got there I really didn’t feel great both mentally and physically from the panic attacks. However, as we were meeting my partner’s mum I had no choice but to just get on with it.
We walked round the shops, moments of which I enjoyed but deep down I just wanted to go home and recharge my batteries. Eventually, that time came and I let my boyfriend drive home as I embraced the calmness that came over me at the thought of being back in my safe place.
Monday 8th April –
Monday was quite a dull day. My mum popped over and we popped into town for half an hour – neither of us really felt like it and so it was a quick outing. Once home I decided to tackle the car since it was a nice day. After two trips to Wales it was looking a little worst for wear.
Three hours later both the outside and the inside were spotless and I felt like I had achieved something (other than a bad back).
By the time I had finished with the car the day was almost over. I made myself a cup of tea and started to cook dinner. I love days like this where I’m staying within my comfort zone but am able to tick off things on my to-do list.
Tuesday 9th April and Wednesday 10th April –
Things went rather downhill on these two days. I felt really really rubbish. Somedays I sit at my desk and try to think about my future but I just cannot see one. It makes me wonder what my purpose is in life, if I have one. It was a rough couple of days – which were greatly improved when my boyfriend brought me home this easter egg as a surprise. He had been looking for my favourite box of chocolates but couldn’t find them and so decided the egg was the next best thing. He also confided in me that he had thought about getting me a bunch of flowers, however I’m allergic to lots – upon googling which flowers were best for allergy suffers lillies came up as the second option and he gave up.
Wednesday night I realised why I had been feeling so down – it’s that time of the month. I’m not sure how I manage it but every month I get down and until I actually get my period I don’t realise what’s causing it.
Thursday 11th April –
I still wasn’t feeling great today but I decided to make a bit more of an effort and went out for a walk. I wore my fleece lined leggings and this bluey/greeny jumper from Victoria Secret Pink. By the afternoon I had a headache, for the third day running, and it suddenly dawned on me that I was ill. I’d had no energy all week, headaches, no appetite and a funny pinging feeling in my ear. I’m not quite sure that it is but I’m hoping I’m over the worst of it. I couldn’t be bothered to cook dinner and didn’t particularly fancy anything and so we got some chips from the Fish & Chip shop to make life easier.
Friday 12th April –
It was really nice waking up this morning and realising that I had some energy. I decided to tidy and a clean of my room was the best way to start the day. Before lunch I popped out for a walk which improved my mood no end.
I panicked today about what to wear. I grabbed this dress from my wardrobe, it’s form Topshop and I haven’t worn it in years. It has no sleeves and so I paired it with my denim jacket to keep me warm – it’s still freezing here in England.
I went out for a drink tonight with my boyfriend. It was great to go out and not focus on my mental health and just have fun. I also highly recommend orange flavoured gin!