I’m feeling like I’ve taken a step back with my anxiety at the moment. I’ve had a bad couple of weeks, especially with the panic attack I had last week (you can read about it here). Sunday evening I was up most of the night feeling ill. I had been glutened and felt horrific. One of the symptoms is nausea which for a emetophobia sufferer is my worst nightmare. I tried hard not to let the panic get the better of me but unfortunately it did.
I woke up on Monday feeling really disheartened and feeling like I’d failed myself. My depression is creeping back up on me with this feeling and I’m therefore feeling really down, sorry for myself and not good enough at anything I do. I’m trying to push through it and shake the feeling but it’s quite overwhelming at the moment.
I spoke to my boyfriend and told him how I felt, he told me he thought I had made improvements and to stop being so harsh on myself. I considered what he had said and agreed that in some ways I had made improvements. However, on Tuesday I popped into town with my mum to get some food shopping and again had another panic attack, this one much smaller but sill unpleasant. We came home as I felt like I couldn’t push through it.
For some reason I’m not making any progress at the moment, I just seem to be taking steps backwards. I didn’t get all of our shopping and so Tuesday evening after picking my boyfriend up from the station we went straight to the supermarket. I knew that if I put it off I would only end up feeling worse. Thankfully the trip was successful and has somewhat restored my faith in my recovery.
I can’t help the little voice in the back of my head reminding me that we’re going on holiday abroad in just over a month and worried that my anxiety is going to be bad. I wanted to feel like I’d made progress with my anxiety, not that I was taking steps backwards.
*I also want to say that this is why I’ve been so quiet and not replying to comments or reading other peoples posts this week – sorry!*
How do you help yourself when you feel like this?