You may have noticed an absence of weekly updates over the last couple of weeks. I felt like they were getting a little repetitive and I found it rather stressful remembering to document my everyday. After having had a little break I thought ‘d come back with a weekly update this week. I’m feeling incredibly anxious this week due to us going abroad soon and so I thought it would be good to document to eventually look back at.
I’m not going to include my weekends in these posts. My weekends are often used for achieving my goals so you can catch up with what I’ve been up to in my end of month goals post. Anyway, without further ado here’s my boring yet stressful week.
Monday 10th June –
I had a doctor’s appointment today which I was extremely anxious about. I had considered walking there on my own, however it was pouring down that morning. I was secretly grateful for this as had been worried about walking on my own. Instead I asked my mum if she would come with me. Our doctor’s surgery has the smallest car park imaginable, the idea of having to drive there and park was only adding to my anxiousness. Thankfully my mum was free to come with me.
I was only going for a check-up but still I was so anxious that I barely slept the night before. I kept telling myself it would be okay, I managed to go to my smear test the other week and this would be nowhere near as bad. That morning I was incredibly anxious and when my mum picked me up it only got worse.
I must have been sat in the waiting room for 10-15 minutes but it felt like a lifetime. My heart began to hammer and my breathing became uncontrollable. My mum tried to help me breathe and distract me but it wasn’t working. On a number of times I thought I was going to just have to walk out. I had tears in my eyes and I was ready to throw the towel in when suddenly my name popped up on the screen and it was my turn to be seen. Honestly, if my name hadn’t popped up then and there I’m not sure I would have made it to the appointment. Once in the room with the nurse my anxiety almost dissipated as I knew the ordeal was almost over.
Just to make matters worse I discovered that I hadn’t even needed the appointment! A couple of months ago I changed contraceptive pills (look out for a post about this on Friday) and the nurse gave me a prescription for 3 months. I thought this was strange as I’d been on this particular pill before and it contained the same hormones as the pill I was on at the time. I later queried it with the receptionist but she told me this was correct. However, it turns out I should have been given a 6 month prescription. The nurse literally just printed me off a prescription for another 3 months and off I went – what a waste of everybody’s time!
Tuesday 11th June –
My anxiety tends to give me a bit of an upset stomach and so I was feeling quite unwell today following yesterday’s panic attack at the doctors. It’s my dogs birthday so part of me wanted to go out with everyone and take him for a nice long walk, however I didn’t feel well enough nor did I want to risk another panic.
I decided to spend the day at home and have a relax. My grandparent’s are babysitting my cousins tomorrow and Thursday so I’ll be spending the days round at my parent’s house working. I find this quite anxiety provoking as I’m away from my own home and my own ‘safe’ space.
Following a Tweet that I posted asking for tips on healing an anxious stomach I drowned my sorrows in gallons of tea and wrote some blog posts ready to schedule for the coming weeks.
Also these trousers are new and are so comfortable! They’re from H&M and even have pockets!!!
Wednesday 12th June –
Yes, I am wearing the spotty trousers again. They’re just so comfortable and they have pockets! I’ve been spending Wednesdays and Thursdays at my parent’s whilst my grandparent’s babysit my cousins. It’s too hectic at home to work with the kids there and they set my anxiety off and so I’ve been getting away from it. My mum picked me up to save me having to drive over and I spent the day doing some work and watching the JonBenet documentary on channel 5 – it was really good but also incredibly harrowing.
Thursday 13th June –
Today was rubbish. I woke up to find out that my dog had potentially eaten a raisin (for those of you that don’t know raisins are highly toxic to dogs). He was rushed to the vets and given an injection to make him sick. The raisin was never found and so we think he may not have actually eaten it in the first place but the vet said we were best to be safe. He’s looking very sorry for himself but still tried to scavenge some of our dinner!
To make matters worse when I was driving today this message popped up. I panicked and pulled into some parking near a row of shops. I rung my boyfriend who was useless and got out the car to look at the tyres – they all looked fine. I then called my dad who calmed me down and reminded me that we have run-flat tyres and so even if it was a flat tyre I could still get home. I was in a state by now as only last weekend we spent a small fortune on three new tyres and I was terrified that I’d punctured one already. It was then that I realised perhaps it was because of our new tyres and that the car hadn’t been calibrated yet.
This is when the next lot of stress hit me as I realised I’d parked next to a van and had to reverse back out on a busy road when I couldn’t see a thing. Thankfully a man saw me struggling and helped me pull out – I honestly cannot tell you how grateful I was!
I picked my boyfriend up from the station on the way home and made him drive the rest of the way. By that point I was literally shaking.
I got home and had a good cry about what a state I’d got myself into. I had been scared about what to do at the prospect of a flat tyre and then I was worried that I’d caused said flat tyres. All in all I was rather stressed out!
Later that evening we decided to take the car out for a quick drive and then go and check the tyre pressures – thankfully they were all fine and so it looks like it was just a mishap with the car’s computer system. It’s knocked my confidence in driving though.
Friday 14th June –
I spent most of Friday making lists of what we need to pack for Spain. In all honesty as long as we have our passports we don’t really need much more, however I’ve still managed to create a list as long as my arm. Being overly prepared is an aspect of my anxiety and so we are packing everything but the kitchen sink.
We had a rare day with little rain and so my boyfriend and I decided we’d pop out in the evening and go for a drink.
We had wanted to go for a drink in town but it was incredibly busy and I didn’t feel like being in a crowded room with a load of drunk people and so we drove out to somewhere else. We went to a pub that we had visited a couple of times before, however on this particular visit it was a lot rougher than we had previously noticed! I decided against getting an alcoholic drink knowing that it would only make me anxious later, instead I chose to have a Coca-Cola whilst my boyfriend had a Guiness.
We went into the lounge where there were some children playing with the darts (no adults in sight). Eventually the children were called to dinner and so we had the lounge to ourselves and played a couple of games of pool. I’m absolutely useless at it but it was fun. It was nice to get out for a while and around half way through our second game my anxiety allowed me to actually enjoy myself, which is rare at the moment.
What did you get up to last week?