This week has had a lot of ups and downs. On Tuesday night I received some bad news, which had me feeling dreadful. Thankfully things turned themselves around and the week ended on a more positive note. If people were able to do their jobs properly then Tuesday wouldn’t have ended on such a negative note. Why are people so inefficient these days?
Monday 5th August –
I would love to tell you that this picture is of Monday and that I went out and had a lovely day, however that would be a lie. This picture was taken on Sunday. We met some of my boyfriend’s family at Bluewater for a little wander around the shops. It was lovely as eventually my anxiety ebbed away and I felt ‘normal’ for an hour or so. I’ve been planning this visit to Bluewater for a while now and so had allowed myself a budget incase I saw anything I liked. I’m very happy to say that this Topshop dress came home with me (although I got a smaller size than the one pictured).
I got home Sunday night and felt amazing, I had successfully managed an afternoon out without it being ruined by my anxiety. However, my anxiety was not about to let me win the fight. In bed that evening I was just dropping off when I felt the worst indigestion and could feel the acid in my throat. I’ve never had it this bad before and so it sent me into a panic that I was going to be sick. On top of this I was incredibly tired, my legs ached and my head hurt. I felt incredibly sorry for myself, ill and panicky. It was horrible. Eventually I got to sleep at about 3am but Monday morning I woke up feeling fragile.
Unfortunately a panic attack doesn’t just leave you once it’s over. I’m going to spend today looking after myself and being a little bit kinder to myself. I had wanted to pop into town but I know I’d be pushing myself too far. Instead I’m going to do some writing, indulge in a face mask and wash my hair. Hopefully I can pick myself back up from this and feel better tomorrow.
Tuesday 6th August –
Today got off to a really good start. Everyone was out and so I had the house to myself. I was super productive and got lots done, popped out for a walk and even made myself a healthy dinner. Over the years I’ve learnt that my life doesn’t run smoothly like that. If you read my last weekly update I told you that I’d had some good news. This evening I received an email saying that they had changed their minds.
My boyfriend was working late and so I’ll be honest I sat and cried to myself for an hour. Finally he got home, we talked things through and he made me a very large gin and tonic. Things still feel really rubbish. I can’t help but feel like it’s karma for my mental health. I often feel like my mental health not only holds me back but the others around me. It’s a huge burden to carry. I have to keep going though, there’s not really an alternative. I like to think that everything happens for a reason but the older I get the more I realise life is just there to catch you out.
Wednesday 7th August –
Today I woke up feeling really rubbish after the previous evening’s new (plus I’d had a little too much gin). I was suppose to have a doctor’s appointment but I knew I couldn’t face it today. Some days I know when to push myself and others I know that if I do too much it will backfire. Like the 25-year-old that I am I asked my mum to call for me to cancel and see whether the Doctor could call me instead. Thankfully this was agreed to and I had my appointment via the phone. Not much came from it. I was feeling incredibly sorry for myself today.
I went over to my mum’s and she decided we should try and dye her hair. Don’t tell anyone but under my mum’s hair dye she’s completely grey. My mum’s reached the point where she’s sick of constantly dyeing her hair and so she asked if I would help her bleach it and then dye it grey. As you can probably tell from the above picture, the bleaching phase didn’t quite go to plan. The grey dye wouldn’t take and so my mum now has to walk around mimicking a lion until next Tuesday when a friend can rectify it. That’s my short-lived career as a hairdresser over with.
Thursday 8th August –
I was back over at my mum’s today and we both decided we needed to get out the house (despite my mum resembling a golden marmoset). We popped to the supermarket and the garden centre. I was quite anxious to begin with and thought it was going to be a complete disaster of a trip, however I soon got distracted looking at the plants.
I came across this gorgeous plant called Angel Wings. It feels like a dog’s ear when you touch the leaves. I fell in love with it and mum offered to get it for me. It just needs a name now, any suggestions?
Not only did I get this gorgeous plant today but the bad news I received on Tuesday evening was rescinded and things are back on track!
Hopefully they don’t change their minds again…
Friday 9th August –
Today was nice and quiet, after the good news on Thursday I was feeling really motivated today and managed to get lots done. My boyfriend and I decided to pop out to some shops in the evening. I picked him up from the station and we went to a local retail park. We had a little wander around the shops and I got myself a tray for my new plant. I tend to find that I’m a lot less anxious of an evening and so it was the perfect time for me to pop out. We had a really nice little trip and my anxiety didn’t interfere too much.
I hope the positive end to the week will carry on into the next.
How was your week?