Today marks exactly a year since I was hit by the norovirus.
I thought about completely ignoring the anniversary but I decided instead that I wanted to confront it. I know that today my anxiety will be off the chart and it will most likely be the worst day I have had since this day a year ago. Anxiety is often linked to superstition and so I am somewhat concerned that history may repeat itself today – completely illogical I know but I can’t seem to stop these little thoughts from popping into my brain.
The week leading up to today has been really rough. I’m documenting everything in my weekly update that will be published tomorrow.
Why was having norovirus such a terrible experience?
If you’ve only recently joined my blog then you may not know that I suffer from something called Emetophobia. It’s a complicated phobia which is effectively a phobia of vomiting.
I have previously written a more in-depth post about it, which you can find here.
I caught the norovirus from my young cousins last October and was incredibly ill. My boyfriend and I had been out for the day doing some early Christmas shopping. I didn’t feel 100% all day but had no idea what was to come in the evening. As we drove home from our shopping I was feeling a little under the weather, however this isn’t too unusual for me. The day had pushed me out of my comfort zone as we travelled further than usual to a shopping outlet and so I assumed my unsettled stomach was due to my anxiety.
We were close to home when my nan called me to say that she was feeling unwell and was worried about me coming home in case I caught anything from her. I told myself that she was being overcautious and it was highly unlikely that she had anything. We briefly popped home and packed some clothes to go and stay with my partner’s mum. We had considered a hotel nearby, however we didn’t really want to waste the money.
We drove over to my partner’s mums and I was still unaware of what was to come. I was still feeling unwell, however I assumed this was due to the anxiety. The evening slowly passed and we watched Strictly Come Dancing. As my partner’s mum went to bed I began to get a terrible stomach ache. My anxiety began to worsen as I became aware that I was unwell.
I won’t go into detail, all I will say was that it was a very traumatic night for me.
How have you felt leading up to today?
I’ve been dreading the anniversary, in fact I’ve just generally been dreading October. When Strictly Come Dancing started again I couldn’t help but feel a little bubble of anxiety inside of me as the associations reared their ugly heads.
I’m trying to make small changes throughout October so that I can avoid making any comparisons between this year and last year. For instance, rather than cancel our trip up to Wales, we’re going on a different date this year.
One of the things that has upset me is that last year the day before I was ill was spent with my little cousin for his birthday. This year I feel unable to see him. Although it will be a different day of the week it will be that dreaded Saturday evening with Strictly Come Dancing playing in the background. I’m not sure whether I feel able to force myself to visit him on his birthday, it’s something that I will have to wait and see how I’m coping on that day.
If I’m completely honest with you, I’m terrified. It was one of the most horrific events in my life and it has ruined my life ever since.
A year since that day is a huge landmark and I’m scared as to how I will react.
How are you going to cope with the day?
My plans for the day are to be as calm as possible.
I had planned to move into our new home on this weekend. I thought that spending the anniversary weekend moving into our flat would be a huge landmark and it would feel amazing to see how far I have come in a year. However, this is now very unlikely as we still have so much to do before we can comfortably move in. We could make-do and move in now, however I’m already really on edge and so I don’t think I would cope very well.
Instead of moving in my plans are now to begin tiling our bathroom. I hope that will take up so much of my concentration that I will barely have time to think during the day.
I’ll keep you updated –
Once the day is over I’ll try and write a blog post at some point and let you know exactly how it went.