This weekly update is in a slightly different format – bear with me whilst I’m renovating as my weeks are generally all the same. I’m taking lots of pictures and will share the journey with you once we have finished – although if you make it to the end of this post there is a little sneak peek at the bathroom!
What I’ve been up to this week –
Overcome the anniversary of the event that ruined my mental health
fair bit a lot
Learnt to tile
My Mental Health –
This week has been really difficult with Sunday being the anniversary of me catching Norovirus (you can read about emetophobia here). My anxiety is at an all time high at the moment and I just cannot control it.
Today I am finding it particularly difficult. I’ve been over at the flat painting, however my mood has been foul and my patience non-existent. I gave up at around 2pm and came home to shower and attempt to relax. All I want to do right now is to pop out for a walk and maybe grab a coffee, however I have to wait in for some tiles to be delivered. I feel frustrated at myself for feeling so anxious and annoyed that I’m snapping at everyone because I’m in such a bad mood.
Wednesday got off to a bad start at 1am in the morning. As I mentioned above I’m really struggling this week and as I laid in bed, unable to sleep, I felt the tears running down my face. My boyfriend asked if I wanted to talk to him about how I was feeling, but I didn’t want to, I just wanted to cry and let my emotions out. It’s been a long while since I last cried, which in itself tells me how far I have come. I was actually somewhat relieved to have a little cry as it released some of the built up emotions.
I woke on Wednesday morning from a dream to find myself crying – I tend to have these dreams when I’m stressed. It wasn’t the best way to start the day.
We have a plumber over at the flat today and thankfully my Grandad agreed to be there, as everyone knew I would get myself into a state over it. I had planned to relax today and just potter around at home. Fate, however had other plans. At about half nine I got a phone call from the plumber saying that the existing tap had been wrongly fitted and due to a leak it had crumbled away as he removed the bath – fantastic! I didn’t want to delay the work and so I offered to pop out and grab one quickly. As the words tumbled out of my mouth I felt the anxiety inside me rear its ugly head. I told myself to stop being so stupid, I’m 25 and I can pop out and grab a tap from a shop 5 minutes away.
I rung my mum and asked if she would meet me at the shop, both for help choosing a tap and for some moral support. Unfortunately we timed it wrong and I got there before my mum did. I found myself getting into quite an anxious state – from the anxiety and the fact that the first tap I saw was £70!
Eventually my mum got there and calmed me down enough to get what we needed (I found a half price bargain). She then offered to drive me to the flat so that I could drop the tap off. I felt ridiculous accepting her offer, however I knew that I was in no fit state to drive my own car at this point.
We dropped the tap off and I felt much better now that I was over the initial anxiety. My mum eventually dropped me back at my car and I drove home. Once I was home I had a little cry. I find it difficult sometimes as I spent years being so independent, commuting up to London for both university and work – I didn’t need anyone holding my hand. These days I struggle popping to the shops on my own. I have to keep reminding myself that the independent me is still there and one day I will get her back, it’s just difficult to accept sometimes.
I’m sure you’re sick of my little stories this week, however I thought I would share today’s anxiety ridden tale with you. I had planned to have the day off from renovations and just relax at home. My little cousins were round today after having been at home all week due to being ill. The eldest had a cold, however he gets terrible temperatures which make him sick.
I spent all morning playing with them and we had such a lovely time. We ate our lunch together and then the eldest appeared to be going downhill again. He was lying around and looking very tired – I took his temperature but he was okay. A few minutes later he complained of feeling unwell and when asked said it was his stomach. This immediately sent my emetophobia into overdrive. It was the Friday last year that I caught the Norovirus from my cousins and so it terrified me that he was feeling unwell again.
I grabbed my things and drove over to the flat where I had a little breakdown. I rang my mum sobbing down the phone telling her I was terrified that history was about to repeat itself. Thankfully, my mum managed to talk some logic into me and calmed me down. Once calm I threw myself into painting until the frenzied panic had disappeared and I could think logically about the situation. I kept busy tiling the kitchen floor until about 11pm when I then fell into bed and slept very well from sheer exhaustion.
Sunday – The anniversary
I was expecting to be in a real state today, especially considering how I had been feeling all week. To my surprise I woke up feeling calm and I suddenly realised that I was actually glad that today was the anniversary.
I have spent all week worrying about today and now it’s finally here, I can get through it and then get back to getting on with my life.
All that worrying this week for nothing! Bloody Anxiety.
As this weekly update has been so focused on my mental health and not much about what I have been up to I thought I would include a separate little piece on how the renovations have been going. In my last update I had lots of comments asking for me to keep you updated on how the DIY was going and so I will be writing separate posts when it’s finished but for now here is a little update.
We’ve been focused on the bathroom this week. This is how it looked at the begining of the week before we had our new bath installed and we learnt how to tile!
A tale of how not to buy tiles –
I’ve had an absolute disaster with tiles this week! I picked the wall tiles out ages ago and we popped into Homebase last weekend to buy them ready to begin. For the floor I had wanted white hexagon tiles – however, they’re surprisingly difficult to source! Eventually we found some from Victorian Plumbing and ordered them. It cost just under £30 for next day delivery (the only delivery option there was) but we decided to just bite the bullet and at least we would have the tiles ready to begin at the weekend.
Both I and a family member waited in on Tuesday for the tiles to be delivered, however they never came as the delivery driver ran out of time. I understand that a lot of pressure is put on delivery drivers and so it wasn’t the end of the world that they didn’t come today. However, when I checked the tracking they had been re-scheduled to be delivered the following Tuesday! Perhaps because we had chosen for them to be delivered on a Tuesday they assumed we were available EVERY Tuesday?
Eventually my partner contacted Victorian Plumbing and re-arranged to have them delivered the following day.
Yet again, I stayed in another day. I kept checking the tracking and it said that the tiles hadn’t left the depot. My boyfriend called the depot three times to confirm that they would be delivered today – each time he was assured that they would be. At 3:28 they were finally scanned onto a van (for delivery before 5pm). I kept looking out the window scared that I might miss the delivery. However, at 5pm (on the dot!) the tracking was updated and they had been scanned back in at the depot. The reason given was ‘SS’ – as I don’t work within the courier industry I am unsure what ‘SS’ stands for – perhaps one of my readers know?
At this point we decided to cancel the order as it was starting to look unlikely that the tiles would be delivered for the weekend, plus I didn’t have another day to waste sitting in waiting for a non-existent delivery. We were informed that a refund could not be processed until the tiles were returned to Victorian Plumbing – now as you can probably imagine this concerned us as the delivery company had enough trouble trying to get the tiles out of the depot – let alone returning them!
Still, we cancelled the order and popped out to get some replacement tiles (rectangular slate ones).
Now, can you guess what happened on Friday? Yes, they tried to deliver the tiles!
I checked the tracking in the morning to see whether they had been returned and it said they were out for delivery. My partner contacted Victorian Plumbing who assured him that the order had been cancelled. Despite this they still turned up at the door and I had to reject the delivery as we had already purchased replacements.
I’m a little upset that I won’t get my hexagon tiles, however if we ever get our refund we will have saved some money on tiles!
Anyway, rant over.
The moral of the story? Don’t purchase tiles online.
Both my Grandad and my dad taught us how to tile and between myself and my partner we spent the weekend tiling around the bath. I love these tiles! They’re yet to be grouted and there are a few mistakes, however it’s so nice to look at them and think we did that!
Next week I’m going to paint the bathroom white and hopefully by the weekend we can lay the floor tiles (we didn’t have time this weekend).
If you’ve made it to the end of this post then you deserve a medal! Thank you for reading.
I’d love to hear about what you’ve been up to this week.